Ingredients

• A willingness to suspend ethics
• A “win at any cost” nature
• Extra greed
• A false premise
• Knowledge of spam filters

Directions

1. Begin with a thorough cleaning. Be certain to remove all traces of ethics and empathy. Honesty and respect are especially damaging to this recipe.
2. Open the “win at any cost” nature, and pour in greed. Use the highest quality greed for financial gain, though greed for power may be substituted.
3. Add the false premise based on an unnecessary product. Here is where you can adjust the recipe to your tastes. Three of the most popular are: a man’s inadequacy, cheap quality drugs, and get rich quick.
4. Pour message carefully into your ASF (anti spam filter) rewriter, and wait for the scum to rise. Pour off the scum and reserve for your website.
5. Pack the message tightly into your email address list and send.
6. Pat yourself on the back for a worthy effort while you wait for customers to arrive begging for your product.
7. Serves millions – serving size: one mouthful, washed down with hype.

Serving Suggestions

Presentation is just as important as product. Here are common ways serve and display spam dishes.

Who? – The recipient didn’t sign up for this. You found the address online, bought a list, or created a group of names and hit it. Bonus points if they click on the “unsubscribe” list, notifying you of a good address for second servings.

Blasting Banners – Shout with all caps – “FREE,” “ACT NOW!!!” Adding three or more exclamation points will make your spam dish rise to the top!

I’m your Friend – A more sophisticate version of blasting banners is to look like a friend. “Saw you last night,” or “Thought you would like this,” are popular. Another version is to start the header with “ RE:” so it looks like a returned message they sent to you! Ingenious!

Hypothetical help – Needy souls are crying for this. The advertising media does a great job of creating need for more money, better body parts, and exploitive entertainment.  Serve up help by offering cheap drugs, moneymaking systems, or some other “quick and easy” fix.

There it is – a sure-to-win recipe for perfect SPAM!

Note to cook: If you have a guest that cannot stomach spam, give them these tips:

• Do not post your email address in forums. If you must, spell it out like this: yourname – at – domain – dot – com.
• When filling in a web form, check the privacy notice to make sure your address will not be sold in a list.
• Do not reply to spam messages. If you click on the “unsubscribe” link, it shows the spammer that they hit a valid address.
• Use an email filter. Most mail programs and service providers have some sort of blocking system that will keep most spam from reaching your inbox.